Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
