Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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