i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
