Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
