You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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