i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
