I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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