yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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