it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
