I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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