If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
