I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
