I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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