Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
