i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
