His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
