yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
