i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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