I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
