if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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