We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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