My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
