I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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