i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
