the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
