i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
