i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What a dumb baby whore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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