how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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