hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
