what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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