she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
