ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
