So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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