she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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