i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
