STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
