do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
