does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
