Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
