You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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