You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
