Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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