My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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