i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
