Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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