when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
