Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
