I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
