wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
