that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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