so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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