I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
