I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
