Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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