Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
