You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You are the jesus of drinking
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
