I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
