brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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