Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
