having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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