I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
