i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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