home. puking in laundry basket.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
