Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
