he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize