Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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