just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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