i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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