Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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