There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
