At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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